The Baker Street Dictionary
by Lairelosse
Summary: A collection of snippets about the two residents of 221B, Baker Street, and their entirely platonic relationship, in alphabetical order.
1. A, B, C, D

**The Baker Street Dictionary**

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A/N: I daresay that this has been done before, but here's my version anyway. I have included some direct quotes from the series, but I also have changed a few of them slightly, and I've added a few bits and pieces of my own. Please do forgive me for any mistakes that you might encounter in the course of the story. Thank you for reading it!

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**A, B, C, D**

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A: Army Doctor

The first time that they ever set eyes on one another, Sherlock accurately deduces that John has served as an army doctor in Afghanistan (oh, all right, Sherlock asks John whether it was Afghanistan or Iraq), just by taking one look at the war veteran. John is amazed by Sherlock's observations, instead of being creeped out, unlike so many other people (Read: Anderson and Donovan).

B: Baker Street

To be more precise: 221B, Baker Street. The official dwelling of the only consulting detective in the world, Mr Sherlock Holmes, and his best friend, Dr John Watson. And no, they are _not_ a couple, as John so frequently emphasizes. It's a strictly platonic relationship. John sleeps upstairs, whereas Sherlock's room is next to the kitchen. The refrigerator always contains something unusual, whether it be a human head, some thumbs, or an eyeball. There is a skull in the living room, which happens to be Sherlock's friend, but Sherlock has barely spoken a word to it since John moved in. Sherlock doesn't resort to chatting with it even when John is not around. He prefers to address the air as John, and he fully expects John to hear whatever he says, even when John is halfway across London, or a few hundred miles away in Dublin. A certain Mrs Hudson, who is their charming landlady (_not_ their housekeeper, mind you!), lives downstairs, and takes care of the two boys, even though she is _not_ their housekeeper.

C: Coffee

Sherlock likes his coffee black, with two sugars – a fact with which Molly Hooper is only too well-acquainted. John, on the other hand, likes his coffee with some biscuits, which Mrs Hudson prepares for him, even though (for the hundredth time) she isn't their housekeeper. Sherlock doesn't know how to make coffee very well, and adds far too much sugar whenever he makes a cuppa for John, who doesn't even take sugar. John is always wary about accepting coffee from Sherlock, because he never knows what on earth has been added to it (or to be more precise, what on earth is contained in the sugar), but he gulps down the coffee anyway. Who could possibly resist that (faux) sad face that Sherlock makes when John doesn't drink up?

D: Deductions

Both of the residents of 221B, Baker Street, have blogs. Admittedly, John did scoff at The Science of Deduction when he first came across it, but he has gained more respect for it and its owner since. Seriously, though, what sort of human can tell a software designer by his tie, and an airline pilot by his left thumb? But then again, Sherlock Holmes isn't like any other person on earth. John's blog is by far the more popular of the two (even though the number of visitors is invariably 1895), which irks Sherlock exceedingly. The Science of Deduction is chock-full of logical facts, whereas John's blog has far too much romanticism and emotion in it. '_John, it really isn't necessary to tell everyone that I don't know whether the sun goes around the earth or vice versa. Stick to the plain facts of the case at hand. You may write about how I observe everything around me and make deductions based on what I've seen. Then you may get more readers.' 'Well, Sherlock, I deduce that no one is reading your blog from the fact that you publish posts in which you enumerate 240 different types of tobacco ash!'_


	2. E, F, G, H

**The Baker Street Dictionary**

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**E, F, G, H**

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E: Ennui

As John knows only too well, Sherlock is apt to succumb to ennui. And when Sherlock is bored, life at Baker Street is no bed of roses. Sherlock stomps around the living room like a spoilt child, wearing his sheet because it takes too much effort to put on a pair of pants. Then he sits on the sofa and complains, because there is nothing to do, and everyone is being so ineffably boring! After that, he searches for his cigarettes, but John absolutely refuses to give them to him, so he resorts to putting on three nicotine patches. Soon, the ennui degenerates into taedium vitae, and things become really unpleasant. Sherlock makes cutting remarks about everything and everyone, John included. John texts Lestrade every day, in the hopes that a case worthy of Sherlock's attention will crop up – something in line with his métier._ 'There's been a murder!'_ John announces joyously one afternoon. He immediately realises how terrible that sounds. _'That was awful. I mean, there's been a murder,'_ he repeats in a more subdued manner. Without a word, Sherlock flies out of the room (for a wonder, he was wearing pants!), hails the first cab that he sees, and promptly sets off in the direction of Scotland Yard.

F: Friends

Sherlock Holmes doesn't have friends. He only has one, who happens to be a 'conductor of light'. It really is surprising that Sherlock has any friends at all, given the way that he behaves. For example, he doesn't even bother to find out what Lestrade's first name is, although they've known each other for quite some time. _'Yes, Sherlock, my name's Greg, but you've never bothered to find out.'_ John himself can't put up with Sherlock at times, and everyone knows how patient John is. In light of this, it really isn't a surprise that Sherlock doesn't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. (Seriously, John isn't his boyfriend, no matter what Jeanette or the rest of the world thinks!) John would love to have a girlfriend, but he can never stay with anyone for long. This is largely due to the fact that he is unable to go on proper dates with members of the opposite sex without Sherlock tagging along as an unwanted chaperone. Why does John continue to be friends with Sherlock? He honestly hasn't a clue.

G: Genius

That word could only apply to one person in Baker Street: Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective extraordinaire. With such high levels of intelligence, it is only natural that he finds most people doltish and idiotic. _'You're stupid. Practically everyone is,' _he tells John._ 'Why don't people just think?' _is repeated ad nauseam. _'Because we're stupid,'_ John replies with acidity. Sherlock isn't the only genius that John knows, though. Sherlock's brother, Mycroft Holmes, is also exceedingly clever. It runs in the family, really. (Imagine what their childhood must have been like. On second thought, please don't.) John always has to step in whenever things get heated (Buckingham Palace, anyone?), and try to stop them from bickering. The good part about this is that Sherlock and Mycroft add spice to John's life, and he can no longer complain that nothing ever happens to him.

H: Humility

This is a quality in which Sherlock is distinctly lacking. Sherlock can never resist the urge to show off. _'That's what we do, John. We show off.' 'No, Sherlock, it isn't.' _Sherlock simply can't help correcting everyone around him and showing them that they're wrong, and he's right. His lack of humility is a constant source of worry for John, who is afraid that someone might do something dreadful to Sherlock because of his incessant trumpet-blowing. _'Don't get clever,'_ he warns Sherlock one day, before Sherlock takes the stand as a witness in the courtroom. Of course, Sherlock doesn't listen. He disobeys the judge, who commands him to stop telling the lawyer what to do, and is promptly thrown into jail for contempt of court._ 'I can't help being clever. I can't just turn it on and off like a tap.'_ Sherlock and humility really aren't synonymous.


	3. I, J, K, L

******The Baker Street Dictionary**

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**********I, J, K, L**

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I: Interesting

Sherlock Holmes is not a fan of anything that is the opposite of interesting. He dismisses cases that are dull with insouciance, and he cannot stand anything that is jejune. Even news of a plane crash in Dusseldorf that is suspected to be caused by a terrorist bomb fails to fascinate him. He pronounces it_ 'boring'_, and then he turns away from the television. _'Tell us from the start. Don't be boring,'_ he commands the witness of a crime who visits him in Baker Street._ 'What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring,'_ he says contemptuously to John and Lestrade. Yes, Sherlock definitely despises anything that is not interesting, so never approach him unless whatever you have to relate to him is intriguing. (By the way, Mr Holmes, it's quite interesting in our funny little brains, thank you very much.)

J: James Moriarty

James or Jim, whichever you prefer. Sherlock's arch-enemy. Consulting criminal. Psychopath. (Sherlock is a high-functioning sociopath, not a psychopath. There's a difference. Do your research.) Jim has the audacity to drop by 221B, Baker Street, sit on the sofa, and enjoy a cup of tea, even though he is de trop. He does make Sherlock's life more interesting, as they play their little game together – the terrible one in which human lives are at stake. He is a formidable opponent, one worthy of Sherlock's attention.

K: Kind

This is yet another word that we wouldn't use to describe Sherlock Holmes. He doesn't mean to be unkind on purpose, but he really can't help himself. No one ever taught him how to treat others; and even if they had done so, he probably didn't pay any attention. Now that he has John to educate him in such matters, he is improving. For example, he has learned that it isn't kind to tell someone that their boyfriend is gay, even though he's trying to _'save her time'_. Nor is it kind to tell his landlady that the man that she's dating has a wife in Doncaster that nobody knows about (nobody except Sherlock, of course). Sherlock is still rather gauche when it comes to social matters, but he's learning. Slowly, but gradually.

L: London  
This city is the capital of the English nation, and it is also home to Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Neither of them can possibly bear to live anywhere else in the world. (In retrospect, it really is a good thing that they were introduced to each other that day, or John would have had to find a more affordable place – one in which he could survive with an army doctor's pension – and he would have been miserable. And we would never have been able to get to know our favourite detective and his blogger. What an awful thought!) Sherlock and John love the city, and Sherlock knows it like the back of his hand. (If you ever need to find out which is the fastest route to your destination, you know whom to go to – providing that he's not too busy solving a crime, of course.) The two of them don't usually spend time going to any tourist spots. However, they do visit Buckingham Palace one day because they were summoned by the Queen (Read: Mycroft). There, Sherlock and Mycroft have an altercation because Sherlock refuses to put on his trousers, and Mycroft steps on Sherlock's sheet. Sherlock finally does put on a pair of pants, and he also steals an ashtray (John's idea, really).

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A/N: I think that I have over-used round brackets in this fic. I'm sorry if it is irksome! And I've written more about Sherlock this time. I promise that there will be more John in the upcoming chapters though. By the way, I actually went and wrote 'J' without writing 'I' first! Silly me. I used the word 'boring' multiple times, because Sherlock used it multiple times. I hope that you won't mind that. Please do let me know if there's anything wrong with what I've written! Comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading this.


	4. M, N, O, P

******The Baker Street Dictionary**

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******M, N, O, P**

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M: Molly Hooper  
Molly likes a man that doesn't reciprocate her feelings for him. Molly cares for Sherlock deeply, but for a man who is supposed to be extremely observant, he is utterly blind to this fact. Molly gets him coffee, provides him with a lab to work in, and procures dead bodies for him to whip with a riding crop (this isn't as bad as it sounds; he merely wants to know what sort of bruises form after death). The detective takes all of these for granted. He even teases her when she dresses up for his benefit and gets him a present, thinking that she wants to impress a special someone. Of course, Sherlock's deduction is accurate, as his deductions almost always are, but he just can't see who that someone is. He does finally realize his mistake and apologizes to Molly, who is taken aback. She has always thought that she is of no consequence to Sherlock, but her misconception is corrected when he tells her this:_ 'You do count, Molly Hooper. You've always counted; and I've always trusted you.'_

N: Normal

What is it like to live in 221B, Baker Street? John Watson can tell you that it is most definitely unusual. For example, it is perfectly normal for the kitchen to be transformed into a sort of makeshift laboratory, complete with test tubes, microscopes, and samples of various objects with which Sherlock is experimenting. It is also normal for all sorts of peculiar people to visit at all sorts of odd hours to request Sherlock's assistance and expertise in some matter or the other. Honestly, though, what else can John expect when living with such a nonpareil detective as Sherlock? Therefore, John continues to endure life with his eccentric flatmate, and Mrs Hudson continues to put up with her extraordinary boarder. The truth is that they aren't complaining, because life would no longer feel normal for them if Sherlock weren't around.

O: Occupation

Everyone obviously knows what Sherlock's occupation is, as he's made it clear on a number of occasions, so let us not dwell on that subject any longer. Let us discuss John Watson's métier. And no, it isn't Running Around After Sherlock Solving Mysteries and Being Sherlock's Skull's Replacement. John does have a real, proper job as a locum at a local surgery. To be sure, he is not always able to turn up at work due to cases that Sherlock requires his help with (help which John is only too happy to give). John also has to act as Sherlock's personal doctor, making sure that Sherlock eats ('_You need to eat, Sherlock. Food is not transport.'_) and gets adequate rest (_'Sleep is not transport either.'_). In conclusion, John's occupation really is: Taking Care of Sherlock Holmes and Being His Conductor of Light Besides Many Other Things, and Occasionally Working as a Locum.

P: Police

The police frequently have to consult Sherlock whenever they're out of their depth (_'Which is always,'_ remarks Sherlock pejoratively.), so it isn't unusual for Lestrade to knock on the door of 221B, Baker Street, and request for Sherlock's assistance. What is unusual, though, is the presence of an entire posse of law enforcement officers in Sherlock and John's flat._ 'What are all these people doing here?' _John demands to know indignantly. _'Searching for illegal substances? What illegal substances? Sherlock's? You won't find any that belong to this guy, that's for sure.' 'Shut up, John!' _snaps Sherlock before John says anything further. Then, concentrating on the case, he commands Anderson:_ 'Anderson, face the other way. You're putting me off.' _Anderson is understandably outraged at this, but has no choice but to reluctantly comply when Lestrade orders him to turn his back. From this, it's rather obvious that Sherlock isn't on the best of terms with many of the people who work in New Scotland Yard. The only one who can tolerate him and see the good in him is Lestrade – a person that Sherlock mistreats occasionally, but one that Sherlock genuinely cares about all the same. Without Sherlock and John's help, the police would find it very difficult indeed to solve all the crimes perpetrated in London.

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A/N: I'm afraid that I haven't gone through this chapter thoroughly yet, so if you see any mistakes, do feel free to let me know. I'm not feeling very well at all today, so I just want to curl up in front of the telly with a nice cup of tea! I was planning to watch Atonement (here are some chocolates if you've managed to guess the reason why!), and yes, I haven't watched it before. The horror. Anyway, thanks for reading my nonsense, and I'll shut up and go now.


	5. Q, R, S, T

**Q, R, S, T**

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Q: Quiet

Sherlock Holmes doesn't appreciate people who jabber about inconsequential things whenever he's thinking. He thinks best in silence, and John is well aware of that. Whenever John sees Sherlock lean back in his chair, put his fingertips together, and assume an impassive and judicial expression, John knows better than to interrupt Sherlock's train of thought, which runs faster than any man-made railway contraption. However, when Sherlock is bored, there is no peace in their flat. He fidgets and complains about the lack of interesting occupations, and he becomes thoroughly unpleasant. It is at times like those when John earnestly wishes for someone, anyone, to bring a mystery worthy of Sherlock's attention to their notice so that quiet can once again reign supreme in their place of residence.

R: Rubbish

The first time that John steps into 221B, he unwittingly calls all of Sherlock's possessions_ 'rubbish'_. In John's defense, though, the flat does look rather cluttered, with all of Sherlock's belongings strewn about in what seems to be a haphazard fashion. John (and most likely everyone else) doesn't know how Sherlock can find anything in that mess, but thanks to that superior mind of his, Sherlock knows precisely where everything is. As for the real garbage in the flat, I haven't a clue as to who takes that out. Probably John.

S: Soldier

John Watson was a soldier, as Sherlock correctly deduces upon their first meeting. That military neatness is unmistakable. As a soldier, John has seen plenty of nasty injuries and violent deaths. Looking at this mild-mannered (or so he seems to be) man, no one would imagine that he loves danger. However, he never needs to be asked twice to accompany Sherlock on a case. Why, he even discards his cane and his limp on their first case together! Of course, the limp is psychosomatic, and John's living with Sherlock has done wonders for it. As a soldier, John has gained a large amount of self-control — something essential if one is going to be flatmates with Sherlock Holmes. But don't underestimate the good doctor! He has his bad days, as Sherlock and the criminals that have crossed John can attest to. (Note to Sherlock: Never ask John Watson to punch you in the face again.)

T: Television

No one could accuse Sherlock Holmes of being addicted to the television. Being intolerably hubristic, yes, but certainly not the telly. He doesn't even watch the news because it's _'boring'. _ButJohn once managed to get Sherlock to watch some rubbish programme. Why else would you hear Sherlock shouting: _'No, no, no! Of course he's not the boy's father! Look at the turn-ups on his jeans!'_? I could be wrong, but I think that it is quite likely that Sherlock spent the rest of the night insulting everyone on that show.

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A/N: This is for _FlappieDungeon_ and _memory's marionette. _It isn't very good, but I haven't written anything in quite a while, so I thought I'd dedicate the first thing that I've published on FF in two(?) months to the both of you!


	6. U, V, W, X

**U, V, W, X**

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U: Understanding

Sherlock displays a great understanding of certain matters, and great ignorance of others. He is nonpareil when it comes to detective work, but when faced with emotional matters, Sherlock is lost. He doesn't understand that it isn't right to experiment on your friend by locking him up in a laboratory while he has terrible hallucinations about a gigantic hound chasing after him. Sherlock also doesn't understand why it is important to other people whether the earth goes around the sun or the moon, or whether the sun goes around the earth, or whether we all go round and round the garden. For a genius, he can be quite unperceptive at times.

V: Violin

_'I play the violin when I'm thinking. Would that bother you?'_ Sherlock asked John on their first meeting. As everyone knows, a well-played violin is a treat for the gods, but a badly-played one... Never mind that. Sherlock is the furthest thing from a bad violin player, except when he's in a foul mood. Then he produces the most ghastly sounds. However, at other times, he plays beautifully. He segues effortlessly from sonata to sonata. At Christmas, he even unbends so much as to play festive songs for everyone's enjoyment, unbelievable as that may seem!

W: Will

Sherlock has a strong will, and he hardly ever listens to anybody, be they a Dectective Inspector of New Scotland Yard, his elder brother, or his landlady. He does what he likes, usually without any regard for the consequences; such as going to Buckingham Palace in nothing but a sheet, shooting holes in the wall of the flat, and walking into crime scenes without putting on the proper attire. But there is one person who can influence Sherlock's seemingly inflexible will, and that is John Watson. Sherlock may insist that he doesn't need friends, but the truth is that he does. Everyone does. Even high-functioning sociopaths need someone to help knock some sense into them when they're being ridiculous. And Sherlock's closest friend is John.

X: X-ray

Sherlock's powers of observation are so remarkable that it sometimes seems as though he has X-ray vision. How else would one explain the way he spots the minutest detail that escapes everyone else's attention? It's almost unbelievable, the manner in which Sherlock makes his rapid-fire deductions._ 'If you're just making this up...'_ Lestrade says warningly, before being swamped by another tsunami of observations and deductions. Really, one would think that Lestrade would have a little more faith in Sherlock after working with him before. If there's one thing that Sherlock doesn't do, it's guessing and making things up.

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A/N: I'd been dreading this chapter because of that horrible 'X'! Seriously, what on earth does one write about when it comes to 'X'? I hope that it was okay. It probably sounded rather silly, but I couldn't think of anything else. Forgive me. I'm also feeling some trepidation about the next chapter. 'Y' and 'Z' are nearly as bad as 'X'. Not quite, but nearly.


	7. Y, Z

Y, Z

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Y: Yellow

Yellow is a colour that is usually associated with optimism, but that probably wasn't on Sherlock's mind when he graffitied a smiley face on the wall of the flat using a can of yellow spray paint that he picked up on one of his cases. As if that defacement of the wallpaper weren't enough, Sherlock shoots at the yellow smiley face in a fit of boredom. Mrs Hudson is appalled when she notices what he has done to the walls. 'I'm putting this on your rent, young man!' Mrs Hudson threatens Sherlock. He is unfazed by that statement, and surveys his handiwork with pride, just before an explosion knocks him off his feet. (Note to John: Throw out any cans of yellow spray paint that Sherlock has brought home, lest he decides to do more redecorating of the flat in future.)

Z: Zenith

Sherlock is at his zenith when he's with John, and the reverse is true as well. In the words of Lestrade: 'Sherlock Holmes is a great man, and some day, if we're very, very lucky, he may even be a good one.' John helps Sherlock to become a better, nicer person, and Sherlock helps John to get over the scars of war by introducing John to new battles. (Don't ask _me _what the reasoning behind that is!) They are the making of each other, and they would find it difficult to survive without one another. The two residents of 221B, Baker Street met for a reason. If they hadn't, the world would never have had the privilege of knowing a certain consulting detective and army doctor: Sherlock Holmes and Dr John Watson.

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A/N: I'm sorry for my choice of words for Y and Z, but seriously, it's Y and Z! I honestly couldn't think of anything better. Do forgive me. What an awful way to end the fic, but...

Anyway, this is the end of The Baker Street Dictionary! The first multi-chapter fic that I've completed. I did toy with the idea of an index and an appendix for a while, but finally decided against it. The fic is at an end! Thank you very much for reading it, and I greatly appreciate all the follows, favourites, and reviews. Exiguous though they may seem, I do appreciate every one of them.


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